June 30, 2008

  • On being mean

    Every bad guy doesn't inherently think he's bad. His intentions seem evil on the surface but to the bad guy it may be something good. It's the same way with me being mean.

    I've had a friend that I hung out with a bit back in college. We were going to have a get together at his dorm with other friends but due to BU's guest policy at the time, we were forced to sign people in. The exception being that you can only sign in three people under one host. He chose to sign two of us in and leave my other friend unsigned. The reason for it being was that there was a girl coming that he really liked. He wanted to sign her in and be the "good guy". Of course this is in violation of the "bro's before ho's rule". Dude... not cool. It worked out in the end because the guy found some random people to sign in under. But the whole situation is a familiar one that we find ourselves in often. He's willing to throw us guys under the bus in order to have a chance at with the girls he likes. This was just another situation that finally lit a fire under me. I came close to brawling with him in the hallways but in the end I just chose to leave with everyone. In a funny way, I think the girl he signed in also left with me. I can't really remember much since I was so pissed off. That was pretty much the last time I talked to him until the Atlantic City trip a month ago. In this case, I was choosing to cut off ties with a person who didn't respect his friends.

    Another instance was a friend who always had a knack at ticking me off. He would often make remarks that is full of bullshit or outrageous lies. I don't really believe he understood. It's more like he talked so much without thinking. A few times he'd say such and such a person is a (insert adjective) person. It really ticked me off but I would take a breath and live with it. But the more often I hung out with him, the more I would hear these comments. From talking about how drums work (he has no experience in it) to how to use a knife to cut food, to how to play a guitar song incorrectly(especially when I know the song inside and out). Day doesn't go by without it. Finally, I just let it go. I didn't want to deal with it and in the end I could deal not having him as a friend.

    And my proudest moment of all was when the girlfriend of a friend of mine had IM'ed me. He was on a snowboarding trip with me and had a concussion. We drove his car back to his house knowing that if he went home, his parents would make him go to the hospital to get checked. When I had gotten back home (must've been 1 in the morning), I went online to check my email. His girlfriend messaged me telling me about how he had been taken to the hospital and that she was fretting. He wasn't picking up her calls and that she didn't know what to do. Personally, I'm thinking, hey you could just leave it to the doctors considering.. you know.. they're doctors. But it was gradually leading up to me giving her a ride to the hospital. I fended off the subject and she had the gall to tell me "You don't seem to care about him at all". After all the effort to make sure he gets to the hospital, I didn't care about him? Two words that still make me smile : Fuck Off. And I signed off.

    I gladly play the role of the bad guy by being mean. They are selfish reasons that I definitely acknowledge but I'll declare that everyone needs to be selfish in one form or another and I'm just more open about it. I'm blunt and brash. I choose ways that are definitely more violent but in the end, it's just the way I am. If I read this as if someone else had read this, I'd think to myself... "Wow, what an asshole. I'm not reading this guy's blog again."  

    I think a lot of people maintain this idea that people need to be empathetic to others, to be understanding and forgiving. I used to believe in this when I was younger but today I stand for myself. Understanding, forgiving, empathetic are great traits. Congrats, you can work for the church. But I think it's more important for people to stand up for themselves and be selfish, opinionated, and be someone you can proudly say that's who I am and if you don't like it, fuck off.

    However, I'm not stupid. I don't act before quickly weighing the consequences. What was the consequence of my actions above? I may have lost out on friendship but I gained much more which was my self. I'm selfish and I am proud of it.