http://www.kiwisbybeat.com/minus37.html

Xanga has changed so much since I last really took an active part in its community. The writing has dropped off and the users I used to follow no longer post. Whatever happened to DickwithEars, Coke77, mythie, chrischoi etc. All of them just dropped off the earth.

It's too bad really because the most interesting blogs were the ones that weren't PC. The type of writing that made you want to be a part of their world and not our own. The community that followed each writer and the close friendships we built off of that. Oh well, enough of my old man rant.

/ Get off my lawn!

I like to define how it is to "live" through my experiences and luckily I
was blessed to have one of these experiences several weeks ago. It was
my last gig which happened to be in Yonge and Dundas Square, Toronto. It
was late in the evening and it was raining. My Darkest Days, the
opening act, had just finished a bone-chilling cover of Duran Duran's
"Come Undone". I knew it would be hard to better that performance but I
knew it wasn't about being better but about making music.

I feel sorry for anyone who hasn't felt an experience like this. The
magical moment of when you stride out onto center stage, and the murmurs
die down and only the light drizzle of rain echo through the crowd. And
it begins. A single spark of explosive energy that sends shivers down
your spine. Sound rips through the air and brings life to the crowd.
Every eye focuses on you as you play and you play and you play. Music
flows from your fingers and reaches the sky as if cracks of thunder were
materializing from the speakers lashing out to the furthest regions of
the square and comes crashing back onto you.

The crowd moves and you move in sync to the music. An invisible bond of
energy that connects you to each and every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the
crowd. The song ends and you stop, but the music still resounds. You
close your eyes and you can feel everyone holding their breath as the
sound fades. A single brief moment of silence that breaks as thunderous
applause roars into the night. And I thought "These are the moments that
define what it is to "live". " as I laid down that plastic keyed
Rockband 2 guitar and strode off stage.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've
learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories
don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not
knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it,
without knowing what's going to happen next."

Here I am again, writing on Xanga after taking a break for a long while. The only reason I'm back is because I see that a couple of people from Arizona have visited my page yesterday. Who are you and what are you doing here?

Anyways, since I'm back and writing I might as well write on what I've been up to.

"Can't get enough of your love babe"
After spending 3 and a half hours on Saturday karaoking as well as being afflicted by a terrible cough this whole weekend, it's no wonder I've lost my voice. In an attempt to let my vocal chords recover and not sound like a boy who just reached puberty, I've converted to speaking in a low voice. I'd be the asian Barry White if not for the scratchiness.

ooh Soul Seduction.

Every bad guy doesn't inherently think he's bad. His intentions seem evil on the surface but to the bad guy it may be something good. It's the same way with me being mean.

I've had a friend that I hung out with a bit back in college. We were going to have a get together at his dorm with other friends but due to BU's guest policy at the time, we were forced to sign people in. The exception being that you can only sign in three people under one host. He chose to sign two of us in and leave my other friend unsigned. The reason for it being was that there was a girl coming that he really liked. He wanted to sign her in and be the "good guy". Of course this is in violation of the "bro's before ho's rule". Dude... not cool. It worked out in the end because the guy found some random people to sign in under. But the whole situation is a familiar one that we find ourselves in often. He's willing to throw us guys under the bus in order to have a chance at with the girls he likes. This was just another situation that finally lit a fire under me. I came close to brawling with him in the hallways but in the end I just chose to leave with everyone. In a funny way, I think the girl he signed in also left with me. I can't really remember much since I was so pissed off. That was pretty much the last time I talked to him until the Atlantic City trip a month ago. In this case, I was choosing to cut off ties with a person who didn't respect his friends.

Another instance was a friend who always had a knack at ticking me off. He would often make remarks that is full of bullshit or outrageous lies. I don't really believe he understood. It's more like he talked so much without thinking. A few times he'd say such and such a person is a (insert adjective) person. It really ticked me off but I would take a breath and live with it. But the more often I hung out with him, the more I would hear these comments. From talking about how drums work (he has no experience in it) to how to use a knife to cut food, to how to play a guitar song incorrectly(especially when I know the song inside and out). Day doesn't go by without it. Finally, I just let it go. I didn't want to deal with it and in the end I could deal not having him as a friend.

And my proudest moment of all was when the girlfriend of a friend of mine had IM'ed me. He was on a snowboarding trip with me and had a concussion. We drove his car back to his house knowing that if he went home, his parents would make him go to the hospital to get checked. When I had gotten back home (must've been 1 in the morning), I went online to check my email. His girlfriend messaged me telling me about how he had been taken to the hospital and that she was fretting. He wasn't picking up her calls and that she didn't know what to do. Personally, I'm thinking, hey you could just leave it to the doctors considering.. you know.. they're doctors. But it was gradually leading up to me giving her a ride to the hospital. I fended off the subject and she had the gall to tell me "You don't seem to care about him at all". After all the effort to make sure he gets to the hospital, I didn't care about him? Two words that still make me smile : Fuck Off. And I signed off.

I gladly play the role of the bad guy by being mean. They are selfish reasons that I definitely acknowledge but I'll declare that everyone needs to be selfish in one form or another and I'm just more open about it. I'm blunt and brash. I choose ways that are definitely more violent but in the end, it's just the way I am. If I read this as if someone else had read this, I'd think to myself... "Wow, what an asshole. I'm not reading this guy's blog again."  

I think a lot of people maintain this idea that people need to be empathetic to others, to be understanding and forgiving. I used to believe in this when I was younger but today I stand for myself. Understanding, forgiving, empathetic are great traits. Congrats, you can work for the church. But I think it's more important for people to stand up for themselves and be selfish, opinionated, and be someone you can proudly say that's who I am and if you don't like it, fuck off.

However, I'm not stupid. I don't act before quickly weighing the consequences. What was the consequence of my actions above? I may have lost out on friendship but I gained much more which was my self. I'm selfish and I am proud of it.

Damn, I've been lazy in Xanga.

I was in Boston last week to watch Beantown Breakdown- the breakdancing and popping competition in Boston. The venue was the Artist for Humanity which is a hot place to have the competition at. It's like a garage but with two floors and plenty of lighting. There were some familiar faces here and there but the new faces blew me away. Especially Mixed Nuts. They're a breakdancing group from who knows where. No one knew who they were but when they came onto the floor, you can't help but cheer for them. After all, they were dressed up as superheroes.

It was like a ghetto parent making kid's costumes with the cape and the mask made from white sheets and tighty whities on the outside of their pants. And yes, they did stuff their underwear.

If you're going to come into a competition, you have got to represent or you'll be just a joke and damn did they represent. Here's a clip of their second round. Keep your eye on 2:00 and on.

That is nuts!

Let's hope this weekend will be just as good as the last.

Your mom. Sorry, dude. She's just too smoking.

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

Just received a call from a terrible old woman at work who did not understand that she reached the wrong number. She was trying to reach a guy in the New York office and wanted to grab some information from him. However, I'm in the Boston office and have no idea who this guy is and how she got my number. I offered to help her by forwarding along her information to his email address and gave him his number but the snippy attitude she gave to me over the phone pissed me off. After the call, I imagined all sorts of ways I could have made her day miserable but, of course, I'm at work and I'm not going to do this when it can jeopardize my job.

It's interesting because I dealt with customers with bad attitudes a lot at the family's store that I worked at when I was younger. Sure, I wrote on my college essay about how working at a store strengthened my character and resolve but those words are vague and hardly means anything(because they're all B.S.). Sure... working with terrible customers on a daily basis has strengthened my character.. I had worked at my family's store from '89 until 2006. At the tail end of those years, I stopped taking the B.S. I definitely did not have a higher threshold because of it. I would say that it's much much easier to tick me off now.

On the most part, I've found that customers who come in with a nasty attitude never change. Thieves are always thieves, and first impressions are usually right. I would build up a repertoire of retorts in my head and gradually these retorts would force their way to my mouth and into my victim's ear. For example, this Hispanic guy in an expensive SUV was blocking up the store driveway. I knocked on the window and kindly asked for him to move his car. His answer was a firm no and said his wife was inside a store across the street. The store was a Rent-A-Center. Put two and two together and you know this guy couldn't afford the SUV. He actually had the gall to roll the window up on me after answering. I started smacking on that window hard. Luckily for both of us it didn't break. I told him to get his sorry ass out of the car or get the fuck out. He looked astonished at first but started trying to talk shit back. Trying because all he could do was stutter his way through my verbal abuse. Then, he said that if I didn't stop, he'd shoot me. Yeah, ok buddy.
"Your slut of a wife is in a rent a center and you're out here sitting in a car that you can't afford and you're telling me that you can afford a gun? I don't take shit from a bitch waiting on his wife."
Ah that was good shit right there. Still remember it as clear as day.

Finally, his wife crossed the street and I decide to stop verbally abusing his ass after I tell him that if he really wasn't a bitch, he should come out of the car and talk. I turn around and walk away as he drives off.

This is pretty common those last few years. I verbally abused a bum asking for a sandwich (he was giving us flak for not making him one... wtf? I'm not your bitch). Had two guys in a headlock that my dad started a fight with. (They both had afros and I grabbed a huge piece of their hair and forced their head under my armpits until my dad told me to let them go).

And you know what? I don't regret doing that and I'll say this is what defines my attitude. When someone acts aggressive and stupid in front of me, I will kick their ass. This even applies to friends. I'll deal with their bullshit but if too much of it piles up, I'll cut off that friendship. I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not here to boost someone's ego, or help them move their sorry ass on a daily basis. When I have the power to do what I want, I will do it.

This would have made a much more amusing college essay.